From abs Sun Oct 8 22:47:42 1995 Return-Path: abs Received: (from abs@localhost) by well.com (8.6.12/8.6.12) id WAA17863; Sun, 8 Oct 1995 22:47:41 -0700 Date: Sun, 8 Oct 1995 22:47:41 -0700 From: Alan Barnum Scrivener Message-Id: <199510090547.WAA17863@well.com> To: wholder@shvn.com Subject: "I'm the King of Personal Nukes" Cc: abs, abs@avs.com Status: R Wayne -- Here is screenplay #1. Consider yourself invoiced for $50. ====================================================================== Alan B. Scrivener abs@avs.com abs@well.com home: 3325 Alabama Circle Tel: (714) 437-7194 Costa Mesa, CA 92626 work: Advanced Visual Systems Inc. (AVS Inc.) 2102 Business Center Drive, Suite 130 Tel: (714) 253-4173 Irvine, CA 92715 Fax: (714) 263-9144 ====================================================================== ------------------------------------------------------------------------ THE KING OF PERSONAL NUKES -------------------------- by Alan B. Scrivener October 1995 first draft ------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1. MATTE SHOT NUKE KING IN FOREGROUND, NUCLEAR WEAPONS STORAGE YARD IN BACKGROUND The King is dressed in a very obviously cheap king's robe of red velveteen material with collar and cuffs of some sort of fake ermine, and sports a cardboard crown. He is old and bald and has a big nose. The clich he embodies is New York garment district wholesale, and his accent sounds Yiddish, by way of Brooklyn. Clearly the ad agency sold this idea to him as a vanity ploy, and they had the outfit ready to go. As he stands in the foreground, gesturing regally with his robed arm, behind him unreels some traveling shots of maintenance yards filled with equipment. There are some shots of bomb bunkers (as are found at the North island and Seal Beach Naval Weapons Stations) surrounded by razor wire, cut with shots of military trucks parked with cargoes under heavy canvas (as can usually be found at the Oceanside gates of Camp Pendelton Marine Corps Station). At first it is all very indistinct what is in these trucks. KING I'm the king of personal nukes...At one time only a prince could afford a personal nuclear arsenal. But today, with approved credit, you can begin to build a credible deterrent, right in your own home or place of business! 2. MATTE SHOT: NUKE KING CLOSE-UP IN FOREGROUND, YARD BACKGROUND The close-up shows us the age spots on the King's bald head. The background is fuzzy, always moving, and taken through fences. KING Hi, I'm Irving Gelder, the king of personal nukes. I know you're wondering how bargains like these can be possible. The secret is volume my friends! I buy from governments, strike forces, disgruntled personnel, but always in the largest possible volume. Some of these items are not fully shielded to the new interworld treaty standards. So keep 'em way out back. Give 'em a few extra feet. At these prices you can afford to! 3. LONG SHOT OF KING, SWEEPING MAJESTICALLY ACROSS THE MATTE BACKGROUND, WHICH NOW SHOWS TRAVELING SHOT OF SOME ROCKETS ON LAUNCHERS KING This weeks special, tactical nuclear mortars, some cosmetic factory defects, all fully operational -- at a price you won't believe. The background may be hand-made fake rockets, or possibly some still shots of Korean-war era soldiers with light artillery. Footage from the National Atomic Museum in Albuquerque -- if available -- can be cut in as well. The camera never stops to closely examine any one item. The emphasis is quantity, not quality, and camera work seems amateurish and hurried. Some night shots of mist under floodlights can be added as filler. KING (CONTINUING) And you can believe these bargains won't last. So don't delay, give yourself the protection you've always wanted. Ask about our dead man switch -- if you're the type of rugged individual who wants to take it all with you. And of course, all our products with factory manuals and a "no questions asked," 100% satisfaction guarantee, or I'm not... the King of Personal Nukes. The background switches to bold, blue letters on a yellow background, "THE KING OF PERSONAL NUKES, comm relays at 1240 KHz on all major planets ." The King's silhouette in the foreground fades (or more accurately, disintegrates in a cloud of bad green screen noise) leaving just the text. NOTE: Of course Irving is really a sting operation trawling for nuclear terrorists. He is allowed to flat-out swindle his small-time customers, in return for passing on the bigger fish to local law enforcement. Getting ripped off by Irving is like a smuggler's rite of initiation, and no one wants to spoil the fun for the new suckers being born every minute.